From time to time mother would retire to her bedroom to get ready for death.
'Where's your mother? Father would shout if he came home early.
She's dying, Ralph or I would say.
Oh, Lord, not gone to meet her Maker again, has she?' he would groan.
She never did die, of course. (Well, she did once, but that was many years later.)
'I sometimes envy her her near-death experiences,' said Father once.
She's like a new woman afterwards. The only near-death experience
I have ever had was life. I can't say it was much fun.
But you have no desire to meet your Maker? said Ralph.
Not in the least, said Father. But 1 would quite like to meet my Designer and ask him for an apology.
Your Designer? said Ralph. What do you mean by that?
Well, I have no quarrels with the way I was made, said Father. 'But I have never thought that I was very well designed. I may be well-built. I still feel I am poorly planned.
For the last twenty years Miles Kington has written a humorous column in which everything has been made up and nothing can be trusted. Now he has written an autobiography by those same exacting standards. Was his father a German spy? Did his mother insist on permission from the Vatican before dancing on Sundays? Was baby Miles the victim of peam napping and can he really claim credit as co creator of the anti-squirrel device? Who cares when a book is as brilliantly entertaining as this one?
Action, adventure, sex education, intrigue, tears, laughter, a homicidal brother with a penchant for amateur dramatics-SOMEONE LIKE ME got it all and then some. Prepare to be amused tand occasionally bemused) by the amazing adventures. hilarious happenings, incredible incidents and other alliterations that make up Miles's formative years Filled with fabulous tales of Dadaist dog training. decadent ears, borrowed lawnmowers and visions of the Virgin Mary, this is one of the funniest and mist original books you'll have read in decades.